do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
