we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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