I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
