I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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