He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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