So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
