her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Randomize
