My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
