Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
