There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
