Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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