i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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