things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
