i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Sponge bath it is.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
