grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
