So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
