She is in my trunk
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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