Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
this just has baby written all over it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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