I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I need to calm my uterus...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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