Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
