i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
