I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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