I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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