Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
