Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
