I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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