im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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