pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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