I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
