how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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