Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I looked at my own cervix.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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