dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
