Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
