Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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