i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
