She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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