My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize