He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
