ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
