your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I need to calm my uterus...
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
