she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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