We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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