i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
