the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
