My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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