Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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