Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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