I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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