she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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