she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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