Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
