i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
