help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
