Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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